The previous week was kind of very depressingly monotonous. I was demotivated almost throughout the whole week, I didn’t feel good, I didn’t perform well in a test I had on Sunday and I was just sad. I kept comparing myself to everyone else; comparing my failures to their successes because I’m a bloody buffoon. Last week, basically, wasn’t nice.
I don’t want to talk about my first term result nor the existential crisis that came with it. However, I do want to talk about my future, because who’s ever satisfied with their present. Not this girl, obviously.
Today, it begins.
We all have flaws but only some have the courage to acknowledge them. From this day, I don’t want to run from them. I want to embrace them and call them my own. I don’t want them to be my weaknesses, I want them to be my guide which helps make me a better person – I want to unearth them to show the perfection hungry world how imperfect I am and how perfectly happy I am with it. I am loud, I am ugly, I am not the most intelligent, I am not good at articulating words, I am rude, I am not good as others and I will never be good enough. There are 7 billion of us inhabiting this beautiful planet. There are billions who are probably better than I am in ways I can’t possibly imagine. There will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, funnier, nicer but it doesn’t matter. None of it matters, and that is what I want to acknowledge today. None of it matters when I am trying to be the best I can. None of it matters because my flaws are either inherited or learnt and the fact that I am trying to get rid of them makes me a better person.
Therefore, today, digging begins. I will dig out all my flaws, line them up and do them a makeover. Now, it might take me a lot of time to do that because I know I’ll get lazy at some point of time or I’ll get irritated or I’ll give up or I’ll die. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’ll try and do what is right. I won’t let people blackmail me into changing into a puppet.
I will stop caring what people think because, believe it or not, I am not trying to become a better person so that people start liking me – nuhuh – I am trying to become a better person because I want to. I want to start loving because there isn’t enough love in the world and maybe because I don’t want to be one of them who spreads negativity just because they think they can and just because they haven’t found someone to love them yet. Yes, I want to help children, help control climate change, save tigers, stop antarctica from melting, remove poverty, destroy patriarchy. But, I want to change myself first so that I can tell people, “Look, I love myself, I love this planet and I love everyone on it. So quit hating. Loving isn’t as hard as rocket science, you know.”
And so, today, I promise to try. I promise to spread love and I promise to not procrastinate from doing so. Today, I begin the adventure of daring to believe that I can do something. Today, I start my honest perseverance towards my goal, my ambition and my ideal self.
Wish me luck?