28th November, 2016
Let’s face it. I’ve had the lousiest of the lousestly lousest lousy week. Ever. I just turned eighteen (Yay I’m legal now!! I can have sex, I can donate blood, I can crash my car into a wall and get jailed only for public destruction and not under-age driving. Yayay!) last Wednesday, and let me just say that it has been as completely uneventful, tiring and not at all life-changing as I had very much not hoped it to be.
That being said, my mind somehow, all the time, feels like slime. I’m almost always incoherent, cold and I feel like I’m in some kind of a trance. I, honestly, don’t know what’s wrong with me. For example, in today’s maths class I started integrating instead of differentiating and didn’t even realise it till my teacher pointed it out to me. I also almost got into a car accident because I stupidly just walked across the road even when I could see the car zooming right towards me! I keep forgetting my glasses in the oddest of places and I just feel so lethargic all the time. I want to scream but even opening my mouth seems too much.
Is this what being eighteen years old feels like? I don’t like it one bit. I want my old life back!
Damn. Living is so tough.
Which reminds me of this little thought I had on my birthday; I had survived the scientifically defined pubescent years of mood swings, certain urges and haywire teenage hormones.
Puberty, I think, is one of the toughest phases in a person’s life ( after maybe a mid-life crises; but we’ll get to that in a bit). During puberty, you have to deal with rejection, change and things you never knew you’d ever experience. During this phase of life, you are newly introduced to the concept of a ‘permanent goodbye’ and during this time, a daemon (as Amy Poehler likes to describe in her book ‘Yes Please!’) makes itself home in front of your dressing mirror equipped with a guide book called ‘How to make your subject feel absolutely shit about her/his looks and personality’.
Puberty is when you realise that the world is not a green garden with the sun shining over it all the time and that it, in fact, has many, many dark and rainy days. Adolescence is the time when you’re compared and pushed to be better, when that greedy asshole in you wakes up and starts whispering, tempting, when that arrogant idiot starts judging and when you start crippling under your own tormentors.
It’s a very hard phase. A phase which can be very difficult to emerge from. In these six years, you lose your self esteem, your purpose, your passion, your giddiness, your ability to love, your ability to be kind and sincere. And honestly, you’re lucky if you manage to find back even half of the fore mentioned things by the time you get out of it.
Puberty is hard. I’m so glad I made it. Adios, you nauseatingly shitty piece of an excuse phase of life. See you never.
Now that I’m looking back at the burning wreck that I like to call my ‘teenage debris’, I feel grateful for all the people and things that have helped me get through it. Had these people, life situations, life events, books, things, Harry Potter (yes, it’s a whole category on its own) not been there, I don’t know if I could have survived or not. It makes me so grateful that it makes me want to cry. (Excuse me, I’m just very incoherent right now. That haze is taking over me and I feel like I’m going to pass out i don’t even know).
Ok. So, before I make this more boring than I already have, I’m going to say goodbye (a temporary one, of course).
How was your week? Was it good? Drop me a line, someday. I would love to hear from you!
See you guys around.
PS: Also, if it would be possible, please send help / home remedy for the trance thingy. It’s killing me!!!!!!!!!
PPS: My tenses and pronouns have gone haywire. I know. I blame the trance.