25th September, 2016

I was listening to a song called ‘The Winter of Our Youth’ by Bastille. It’s a pretty decent song and it’s, I think, about how the writer is not able to grow out of his childhood. It’s about how the writer keeps thinking about the past and can’t let go of it no matter how old he gets. He keeps ‘peddling back’ to it, alone and drunk. He wants to grow up, but his nostalgia keeps him stuck to his past,  his days of youth. 

And every time I listen t the song, I can’t help but think, “SHIT HE READ MY MIND! BLOODY EFFING SHIT.”

This song has made me realise that I’m always in the state of nostalgia and wistfulness for things of the past. I am hardly 18 and I tell stories of my ‘past’ to people like I’m a 35 year old librarian. Even after parting from people and not having met them for more than 2-3 years I constantly, a very unhealthily constant, think about them and the conversations/ moments I shared with them. The past makes me sad and it also makes  me happy. I justify it as my ‘story’. But now do I realise, that it’s actually my biggest insecurity.

Yes, growing up and letting go of my ‘innocence’, my past, my childhood is probably my biggest insecurity.

Hmmm. I didn’t know what my biggest insecurity was before writing that previous sentence. Blogging’s weird.

Anyway, let’s talk about something else.

So much has happened in the past few week. I got two huge pimples on my forehead and I never get pimples on my forehead (cheeks, chin; yes but never forehead) until and unless I’m stressed out as fuck. Which, honestly, I was.

First terms were stressful. More than that, I don’t know if this happens only to me or to others also, during exams I get very emotions and philosophical and I get epiphanies and ideas (about writing, life, future companies, idek) very, very frequently. It’s probably because my brain starts thinking about everything except the task at hand – studying.

Anyway, I digress. What I was talking about was the previous week. The previous week I had my exams, I had ideas and I saw a movie ( thought out which I cried my eyes out ). The week, relative to my normal weeks, was pretty hectic and… ‘fun’? (Because I was very occupied and productive which made me feel important and …cool?).

I think I might write about my thoughts on the exams that went by once I get my result.

And I will definitely write about the movie in which I cried like a baby once I’m done processing it in my brain (I still haven’t digested it).

Do tell me about yourself. How was your day? Your week? Was it as productive as mine? Did it make you feel cool?

Lots of love,
Bhavika.

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Bhavika Gupta

A girl who loves to read, day dream and scrutinize the lyrics of all kinds of songs. She aspires of doing something good in the world and loving herself. She is also a strong feminist, dedicated animal lover and will do anything to fight for the right cause.

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